No Changes

So it has been awhile since I have posted it has been a long difficult few weeks. The CFS, FM, and Endo have been kicking my butt add to that that oddly high tree pollen I have been living in my bedroom. I did get the fertility blood results back they want to keep track because some were off where they should have been at that time. In my head I am just like seriously, what else could go wrong? I have been feeling a little down lately even though I have started taking my happy pills again hoping they would help with all the bad news I seem to be getting lately. Every time I log in to facebook someone else that I went to school with is announcing their great news on expanding their families. Please do not get me wrong I am happy that they are able to conceive without all of the problems that I have to deal with it just makes me sad. Take Easter weekend Saturday I got to see my sister's 2 kids Haley & Brady whom are just too cute then I see Chris playing with them and then have the thought that he may never get the chance to play with his own children and it is my fault. He would be such a great dad and he makes me think that we would be great parents being able to step back from what he have seen in our families and take everything that we like and blend it together. On Sunday we were able to spend some time with Chris' sisters 2 children more so Liam since Teaghan was not feeling well. Poor little thing 8 weeks old and had a painful ear infection :-( Then one of his cousins is pregnant and due in a few months. Again I am honestly happy for them it just makes the fact that we may never get to enjoy that makes it difficult for me to stay happy. I end up thinking of my husband having to settle with spending his entire life with just me and our furry ones. The sadder thing is he does not even get to spend that much time with our neices and nephews due to my lack of being motherly. I am 27 years old have never really baby sitted anyone and I have a brother 8 years younger than me. I have never changed a diaper I do not deal well with spit up, throw up however blood & guts I can deal with strange I know. I know it is a lot of rambling just giving you an insight of what goes through my medicated head.

Susan Sarandon Speaks about her struggle with Endometriois

Long Painful Weekend

What it do when your family does not understand what you are going through...

I have no idea I feel like I do my best to explain what I am going through but again there is no cast, no crutches no nothing on the outside to "prove" what I am feeling. Well I will try to explain the new sensation going on EVERY night I get a pins and needles feelings in my neck, shoulders, hips and knees like they were just starting to fall asleep. I know noone that can bear that feeling and I can shake and shake but it does not "wake up" the pain stays there until I take pain pills or sleeping pills or pain killers and melatonin until I fall asleep because I know of no other way to deal with it. I am so exhausted every day that even carrying a laundry basket makes me want to take a nap. The B-12 injection I received has been helping instead of feeling like I havent slept in years I at least now feel like I got 2-3 hours of sleep so I can at least somewhat function. Like cooking without worrying about burning the house down. Anyone that knows me that I am used to functioning on very little to no sleep but even then I was never this exhausted and since I am taking sleeping aids I am actually sleeping so it is very hard for me to wrap my head around. I just hope it does not last the 10 years my mother suffered with one of the 3 conditions I am currently fighting I do not think I could live like this for that long.